Kindness Matters
In the seventh grade, I was bullied. Seventh grade is universally known as the very worst of all grades. At 12/13 years old, almost all kids are mean and ugly, battling too many hormones to function properly. For my part, I was adorably chubby (with a very unfortunate haircut) and an excellent student. I got A’s exclusively, thrills from correctly answering questions in class, and was adored by all my teachers. With 40 years of hindsight, I see how I put that target on my back all by myself.
But there is a silver lining. It was during this time that my mom taught me what it is to be strong. She would never admit to being a pillar, but she is. She would tenderly kiss away my tears and then make me return to school the next day. Every day. She never let me stay home and hide away, as much as I would’ve liked to. I learned from her to walk through the storm, not around it. It prepared me for so much of what I’ve encountered in my life.
Well, I’m still adorably chubby (although with fabulous haircut now!) and an avid student: of history, of the world, of life. These are my trademarks, and I own them with pride. And because of my early experiences, I try also to practice kindness. Because I remember how much unkindness hurts, and I know how long unkindness stays with you. For some reason, out of the many kindnesses shown us, it’s the few unkindnesses that we remember the most. It must be human nature.
Right now, during The Days of Awe, it is especially important to think about this. The Days of Awe, or the Days of Repentance, are the 10 days starting with Rosh Hashanah and ending with Yom Kippur when we contemplate our thoughts and actions from the past year and seek forgiveness from those we have wronged. This is meaningful not only for the person receiving the apology, but also for the person seeking forgiveness. It gives us the opportunity to right our wrongs, to clean the slate, to ease our own minds and hearts, and to start each new year fresh. It’s the gift of redemption.
I know I’m sometimes kept awake remembering a misdeed from yesterday or years ago, where I’ve wronged a friend or even someone I barely knew. Our natural instinct is to want to rewind the clock and undo the wrongdoing. But since that’s impossible, the best we can hope for is forgiveness. From the person we hurt and from ourselves. It’s soothing that the Jewish calendar permits us a period each year to cleanse our soul and move forward.
So, whether or not you’re Jewish, you should be reminded during this time each year that kindness matters. That unkindness cuts someone down, makes them feel less-than and unaccepted. That your words and actions have consequences, both good and bad. Let’s strive to do better, to be kinder. And to my tormentors of years gone by, I forgive you.