Do you have a bestie? That person who knows you better than you know yourself? Who always knows the right words to say? With whom you celebrate life’s greatest joys and mourn life’s deepest disappointments? With whom you can always be brutally honest and still be confident of steadfast support? I do have such a “dear bestie” and I’m blessed for having her in my life.
We met in law school, on the second day of orientation, when we sat down next to each other at a lunch “pizza party.” I distinctly remember coming home after the first day and calling my mom with tears in my voice, telling her that the day was fine, but I didn’t make any friends. I was 23. Whether you’re starting kindergarten or graduate school in a new city, making friends is never easy. But on the second day, I met my soulmate -- the closest friend I will ever have, the person who has enhanced my life in too many ways to count, making me a better person than I was before I knew her. I tell my kids all the time: you meet your best friend on the second day. It’s an allegory for life: the best things don’t come fast or easy, but you will always find what is meant to be yours.
From that day on for the rest of law school, we were inseparable. In fact, many of our classmates called us by the other’s name since they didn’t know us apart. We don’t look alike; we just became a unit.
We graduated from law school, moved to different suburbs of Chicago, and life happened. That’s not to say we stopped being kindred spirits. We just did it from further away and without seeing each other as often as we’d have liked. And the funny thing is we hardly ever talk on the phone. In the whole of the 26 years since law school when we saw each other daily, we have mainly communicated by text (or, first by email when we got so lucky to be hooked up to the internet by a phone modem in the ‘90s). Boy, how I wish I had a hard drive of our all of our communications! They would read like a long love letter. That would have been my first book. A memoir of 26 years’ worth of our love and loss, triumph and defeat, joy and pain.
Through text, we have bared our souls to one another -- shared our deepest secrets just like little girls by flashlight at a slumber party. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t in person or even over the phone, we heard each other’s voices clearly and responded in kind. In fact, after years of communicating this way, a phone call became unnecessary. We understood each other just as clearly through the typewritten word. There have been many nights, when I’ve lain awake sick with worry or illness, and I’ve texted the simple words, “Hi my dear bestie,” just to see if perhaps she were also awake, and her concerned reply would come through immediately, sensing my pain and providing the salve for my wounds. I know that she would say I’ve done the same for her.
One of our favorite traditions is our annual spa weekend. When my oldest, Jake, was just six months old, she asked if we could spend a weekend at a spa together. Hmmmm, a spa weekend with my bestie away from my hubby and baby? Yes, please. And now, 25 years later, we have not missed a single year; some years we’ve added one or two other law school girlfriends, some years we’ve come very pregnant, barely able to close the white robe over our bulging bellies, and one year we didn’t even go to an actual spa (during Covid), but we have not skipped a single year. And with all that life throws in the way, that’s an admirable feat. We talk nonstop the entire weekend, barely having enough time to catch up on all the untexted details of the past year, relishing every moment together, and returning to our families more fulfilled and fortified than when we left. That’s what being with a dear bestie does for you. Oh yeah and being at a spa helps too.
In life, it’s easy to be a bestie when things are good. But it’s a rare dear bestie that weathers life’s storms right alongside you, holding you up when you can’t stand alone. Between the two of us, we have been married and divorced, had babies by c-section and via surrogate, had life-threatening pregnancies and deliveries, miscarried, celebrated baptisms and b’nai mitzvah, bought and built houses, been diagnosed with advanced colon cancer and acute UC, undergone countless surgeries, and raised children with physical and mental illnesses. I won’t specify which of us has experienced each hardship or joy because we went through all of them together. Just as we were in law school, we’ve remained a unit. We’re not the same people we were back then; we’ve changed in so many ways, but we’ve done it together. Each experience, whether good or bad, brought us closer and made us stronger. (Neither of us waits around for the “easy bus”). I can’t help but think it was fate that we found each other because it’s just not possible that there’s anyone else in the universe who could fill the place she takes in my life. You meet your best friend on the second day.
And so, my dear bestie, who will be reading this, this is a tribute to you, to us, to all we’ve been through together and all that we have yet to experience together. You are my hero. And I hope that I am yours. Without you, my life would lack so much of its richness. I am so lucky we chose to sit beside each other at that fateful pizza party so many lifetimes ago.
And so, even without our old emails and texts, I’ve tried to write our story here. This is my love letter to you.
I am honored and grateful for this beautiful tribute. You have a wonderful talent for capturing our treasured and meaningful friendship. Reading this and experiencing this life with you by my side fills me with humility, gratitude and joy. I am grateful to you beyond measure.
Love this Jodi :) And, yes she is the best. But so are you!!!! Photos are awesome...