My Phone, My BFF
In order to fulfill my New Year's resolution of writing a novel in 2023, I'll be taking a break from my weekly vignettes. I hope you understand, dear readers, it's for the greater good!
Don’t you love it when, after a chat with family or friends, you turn on your phone to find an ad showing what you were just talking about? Wait, what? You hate that? You think it’s creepy? That it’s technology overreaching and violating your privacy? Hmmm, I never thought of it that way. You don’t find it charming, the way I do, that your phone knows you so well? That it actually listens when you talk because your kids never do? It knows exactly what you want to buy, sometimes before you even realize you want it. It keeps track of where you’ve been and where you’re going. It’ll even tell you when to leave your house to get to your destination on time! It’s mind-blowing, really. This little device that accompanies me everywhere is actually my BFF. I’m not sure why its omniscience is not as appealing to you as it is to me.
Not only do our phones “listen” to our conversations, but the apps seem to “talk” to each other, so that when you search up something in one app, another will take over the quest. For example, I was googling long sleeve aqua shirts for my fall-into-winter outdoor swimming, and when I later opened Amazon, ta-da, brightly colored aqua shirts were suggested, along with a size recommendation based on my previous purchases. Mind-blowing! I tapped a few buttons and a perfectly fitting, adorably patterned item arrived at my doorstep the next day. A-mazaing! How can you possibly find that creepy?
A bunch of years ago, I bought every single one of Matthew’s Chanukah gifts from ads that popped on my social media. It was like my phone was reading my mind. I came to rely on the spot-on advice. One morning, I opened Facebook to find an ad for a 3-D Lego globe. It was one of the most successful gifts I’ve ever given him. The next day, it was a world map, where you color the countries you visit, another winner. Then, there were the NFL Lego helmets and stadiums, the NHL pajamas, college winter hats, world flag collection, and geography board games. I’d wake up each morning, eager to see my phone’s daily recommendation for my eight-year-old. (My husband wasn’t quite as thrilled with my complete reliance on this “shaky” system.) Not only does my phone understand my needs, but it also anticipates what my kids most want. Again, not creepy.
My phone is familiar with my daily routine. For years, when I went to the gym every morning at nine o’clock (pre-Covid - now I’m much lazier in the mornings), my phone would inform me how traffic was. Unsolicited. Creepy, you say? I found it endearing. My phone knows when I go to bed and when I wake up. It keeps track of my jaunts, both near and far, and then offers a recap of my activities after 30 days just to remind me of all the fun I’ve had in the past month. Wait, creepy too? It’s marvelous! My phone knows my health history and alerts me when my meds are arriving. Convenient. My phone holds my grocery and to-do lists. I use my credit card right from my phone. My phone makes my life infinitely easier, just like best friends are meant to do. Speaking of easy, just last week when I went to see Dear Evan Hansen in the city, my phone did all the work for me! My tickets were bought and stored on it, restaurants were suggested based on my food preferences and theatre location, and Spot Hero found me parking at a great price right down the street. Remember the days of mapping out your route on an actual map and leaving the details to chance? A distant memory as long as we have our phones by our sides. Spectacular.
All my photos are memorialized on my phone. So, my phone now recognizes my family. Not creepy. Intimate. My phone is familiar with my favorite brands and kindly lets me know about sales before I even have to ask. Awesome! When my daughter sent me a Google presentation of her Chanukah wish list, my other apps highlighted her most wanted items. Definitely not creepy. Helpful. When I want to travel somewhere, all I have to do it think about it and my phone starts displaying airline and hotel deals for that destination. Again, not creepy. Enchanting!! I simply don’t understand all your griping.
The apps we use daily get to know us from our habits and past choices. In fact, I’m willing to bet that our phones know us and can predict our wishes even better than the people who supposedly know us best. (I’ve heard that Target is able to project baby due dates more accurately than OB-GYNs based solely on the purchasing habits of expectant mothers.) My husband and I bicker about what time to leave the house to arrive at O’Hare on time, but Maps will give me a ding when we ought to depart. My husband can never decide where to make dinner reservations, but Open Table will suggest where we should celebrate our anniversary based on my previous dining reservations. My husband has no idea what I like to read, but Goodreads will suggest books for me from what it knows about my reading preferences. My husband doesn’t know how I like my burrito bowls, but my Chipotle app sure does! And I’m fairly certain my husband is blissfully unaware of what I want for my next birthday. But you can bet my phone knows.
It’s really nice that, while I may lament that my husband barely knows me after 27 years of marriage, I can find comfort in the fact that I have a constant and devoted companion in my phone. Not creepy.