Every year, most of us compile a list of resolutions meant to improve our lives in some way, be it our health, appearance or lifestyle. The most common resolutions are punishing:
* I will finally lose those 25 pounds.
* I will go to the gym every day.
* I will stop eating carbs.
* I will reach 10,000 steps every day.
Some are at least partly out of our control:
* I will get that promotion at work.
* I will find true love.
* I will overcome my fear of flying.
* I will win the lottery.
And then there are the lofty resolutions:
* I will do my part to help stop climate change and bring about world peace.
* I will pay off all my debt.
* I will attain good gut health.
* I will write and publish the next great American novel. (I DID that one last year!!)
Do we truly intend to make real and significant changes or are we just setting ourselves up for failure every year? I’ve heard it said that if you actively visualize your goals, they will manifest. Not to be a downer, but I call B.S. It takes more than visualizations to bring your goals to fruition. Sometimes, hard work and a lot of prayers aren’t even enough. Sometimes, and I’m guessing annually, we set goals that we won’t or can’t achieve. If you’ve spent the past 20 years resolving to get back to your wedding weight, I think it’s time to reevaluate your goals. Most of us need to start changing the way we view and set New Year’s Resolutions.
What if we resolve to make small changes, set more realistic goals? Like:
* This year, I will lose 10 pounds (which is almost 1 pound a month).
* I will aspire to some physical activity each day, like walking my dog or taking the stairs instead of the elevator.
* Every other night, I will meditate for 10 minutes before bedtime, to help slow and calm my mind at the end of a hectic day.
* Instead of trying to read 200 books this year, I will settle for 60 because that way I can focus on the joy of reading instead of setting a record.
I know that for me personally, as I’ve gotten older and gained what I like to think of as wisdom, I’ve thrown out the old resolutions that made me feel bad about myself and instead I just keep doing the things that work. Basically, “I resolve to do exactly what I did last year, tweaking a thing or two for improvement.” In fact, on New Year’s Eve as my dear friend announced she was going to cut out all sugar, I proudly announced that I intend to have just as much sugar as I did last year… well, maybe a little less. Like I said, be a realist!
I decided a few years back that working out vigorously doesn’t necessarily have to involve sweating and panting. My overall well-being is just as important as an elevated heart rate. So, my daily hours-long treading in the deep end where I chatter endlessly with the divas counts! The same thing goes for a brisk walk with a friend (although that generally does involve some sweating and panting on my part). Combining my physical activity with social connection keeps me healthy and happy and allows me to maintain the same fitness goals every year. If it’s exactly as it was last year, all the better!
Age has also taught me to be forgiving of myself. I now give myself the grace to “tap out” of an intense yoga workout when I start seeing spots and just sit for a few beats. When I’m struggling to get through a book I no longer enjoy, I allow myself to put it aside and start another. And when I need a couple of Hershey kisses after each meal, I give myself permission to savor them. After all, life is too damn short.
But what if we take this resolution thing even a step further to include some simple things we should automatically do, but often forget in the hustle that is life.
* I will hold the door open for the person behind me.
* I will smile at people I pass on the street.
* I will donate the clothes I no longer wear rather than keeping them for eternity.
* I will listen, really listen, when my husband, friend, child, parent, co-worker talks.
What if we saw this time of the year as an opportunity to make some real and significant changes around us rather than within us? What if we decided anew each year to engage in simple acts of kindness, spread compassion and positivity, and strengthen the bonds within our own community? Because I kind of think for years, we’ve been letting the door slam in the face of the person behind us while we’ve been in a rush to lose those stubborn 25 pounds that aren't going anywhere.
I’m not telling you to abandon all your lofty goals. I mean, it’s important to have dreams. For all my talk about being realistic, I have grand aspirations for 2024. I want my book to hit a bestseller list, be chosen for Read With Jenna (leading to an appearance by me on the Today show) and be adapted to screen by Reese Witherspoon! If only manifestations worked, this would’ve all happened last year. But I promise that even after that happens, I will always hold the door open for the person behind me.