When the Husband's Away... the Wife Will Play.

Get your mind out of the gutter! It's not that kind of article.

Can I tell you a secret and you promise not to tell? OK, here it goes - I LOVE when my husband goes out of town for work. Not just like; LOVE in all caps. Even if he’s going to Arizona in the middle of February, leaving me behind in a snowstorm, with the crazy dog and whichever of our kids happen to be living at home at the time, it’s pure bliss. He walks out the door, and it’s like a two-ton weight is lifted. There, I’ve ripped off the band-aid. I hope you don’t think less of me. And please don’t tell him. He thinks I’m sad when he goes away without me. Teehee. Don’t get me wrong: life’s not that bad when we cohabitate, but when he’s away and the house is all mine, it’s heavenly.

Now that he works from home permanently, he knows way too much about my business. Every time I walk in the door, he asks where I was, who I was with, what I was doing, how much I spent. It’s exhausting. Here’s how it goes:

Him: You’re back! Where have you been?

Me: Um, at the gym (truth).

Him: Still? You left hours ago. Have you eaten lunch yet?

Me: Um, no (yes).

Him: What’s that bag you’re carrying?

Me: Um, nothing (something expensive).

Him: Oh, also I think Amazon just delivered a package. Did you order something?

Me: Um, I don’t think so… (damn, busted again!).

See what I mean? Also, now that he’s home all the time, he expects lunch. Really? Oh, and my favorite: when he hears me making plans with a girlfriend, he asks to join us! When did that become a thing? Then after dinner, which I’ve prepared, served and cleared, it’s sports on TV all night long all year long because he’s a fan of them all. I can’t begin to calculate the hours I’ve spent in front of the TV engaged in a good book, when one of my kids comes in and asks, “Who’s winning?” Who’s winning?? I don’t even know who the bleep is playing!

But when he’s away… oh the joy! I’m giddy just thinking about it. The first thing I do is turn the thermostat down at least a few degrees (not during the snowstorm in February though). And I invite the dog and/or kids (when they were still young and cute) to sleep in my bed. I get a much-needed break from pretending I’m busy all day, and instead can focus on my favorite things without the questions, criticism and running commentary. Lazy afternoons lounging by the club pool instead of actually working out; leisurely lunches and shopping with friends; seeing a matinee with my mom just because; buying prepared food at the expensive grocery store; being loud on the phone right in the living room; leaving the M&M’s out on the counter instead of hiding them; buying unnecessary sh*t online and having it delivered ASAP; and, if I’m feeling especially indulgent, lounging around in my pj’s in the middle of the day, reading and eating ice cream right out of the pint, followed by a long nap. Ecstasy. And the TV - it’s all mine! My house becomes a divine sports-free zone. Netflix during the day and the Bachelorette at night. I’m telling you; the possibilities are endless.

Sometimes, when I’m feeling industrious, I’ll clean out his side of the closet or throw out a few of his boxes from the basement that haven’t been opened since we moved into our house 23 years ago. He’s a pack rat and I like a clean and tidy house. It sparks joy for me to get rid of old crap that he can’t part with but will never miss (as long as you don’t tell him). And I saved the best for last: dinner is carry-out every night. No preparation, serving or cleanup for me. Now that my youngest is driving, I don’t even have to leave the house to pick it up. I can bribe him with the dinner! Life is good.

Back when the kids were little, I was relieved my husband didn’t have a job that required travel. A lot of my friends’ spouses did, and it was difficult. With the prolonged bedtime routines for the younger ones, and homework and carpooling for the older ones, it was a lot of work for just one parent. I was lucky to have my copilot around for all of that.

But once the kids got older, and now that they’re moving out, his business trips are like a gift from above. After being busy 24/7 for years and years, with no privacy, not even in the bathroom, there is nothing better than being in my own home all by myself. The dog doesn’t count. Neither does Matthew most of the time. He’s extremely low maintenance. So, I can make this time all about me. Having lived together for almost 28 years, my husband and I make pretty good roommates, having gotten used to the annoying bits, and enjoying the fringe benefits. Generally, I’m happy when he’s around. But I’m very, very happy when he’s out of town for a few days.

He must also enjoy the trips. He gets a hotel room all to himself. Adds in a day of golf or a pro-sporting event for his team, indulges in happy hours, and eats out with friends. Sound similar to my time without the sports and hotel. It’s good for the both of us. We get to do our own thing, enjoy time on our own and recharge. I’m always happy to see him when he returns (unless the M&M’s are still sitting out on the counter…) and he’s happy to be home amidst the chaos of the dog’s barking and my constant chatter. A few days usually pass before he resumes irritating me and I nagging him. The break in both our routines helps keep it fresh. Now that he’s starting to travel with more regularity again, I predict we’ll find greater joy in our time together, knowing that we get these fun breaks.

Gotta go now. He’s headed out the door, and I have mani/pedi to get to!